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Welcome to the Search for Earthly Terrestrial Intelligence (SETI).
We are a covert operation established on stardate -1905708.5939878235 to help ascertain the existence of intelligent life on other planets.
This time we have selected you, the pathetic citizens of Earth.
The results of our important study will be the determining factor in deciding if said existence shall be allowed to continue uninterrupted or whether the whole bloody thing should just be blown to smithereens.
Analysis thus far is inconclusive.
Out of pity, we are releasing some of our files so you can see how you’re doing so far.
- Home takes you home. Duh. How sad we have to explain that.
- Ask an Alien! is a hybrid FAQ/Advice Column.
- Media contains press releases with SETI’s official stance on certain newsworthy events.
- SETI Files is a link to the ever-expanding database of famous humans that we have released to the public. Here you can see our intelligence analysis of each as well as whether or not they are actually an alien.
- Updates are a summary of the latest information complete with handy dandy links. Subscribe to this on the left if you want to receive our occasional updates and NO SPAM.
In our attempts to collect data we have dispatched several mobile units to this planet to observe the behaviors of these strange earthling creatures from afar.
However, we feel the integrity of our information has since been compromised due to the inadvertent sightings of some of our exploratory vehicles and, in one “alleged” instance, a crash landing in North America.*
Therefore we have decided to implement a new program consisting of inter-species contact utilizing one of our best undercover agents whose very dangerous mission it will be to interact with the dominant species of the planet and report on her findings.
To be clear, we are not affiliated with the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence in any way.
No, we are not that SETI.
And by their own admission they have only been established since on or around stardate -338165.30054644815.
So there.
And for the record, we’d just like to mention what a bloody unnecessary operation that is. Completely and utterly offensive! We don’t need to know if there is intelligent life beyond Earth, you numpty plonkers.
Intelligence abounds across the universe!
We just aren’t as sure of it on this planet.
That is all.
*We have issued a press release regarding this incident.
