CONFIDENTIAL Released to Public SETI Case File: 2396824 ———————————————– The Westboro Baptist Church Picketers Activities: Picketing Funerals, Promoting Homophobia, Pissing People Off Findings: Yeah, right – like we’re going to take credit for these yahoos! Bornokovians have souls, thank you very much. Probability of Extraterrestrial Origin: 0/10 CASE CLOSED Public Domain Image.
CONFIDENTIAL Released to Public SETI Case File: 3548712 ———————————————– LADY GAGA Reputed Real Name: Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta Reputed Date of Birth (Earth): March 28, 1986 Occupation: Musician/Performer Findings: Ah, how her outfits bring back memories of the fashion on Bornokovia, except for the fact that she’s wearing clothing designed for men. This could lead [...]
A press release has been issued regarding the depictions of alien genitalia in modern popular media. That is all.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE We would like to clarify a rumor that has been troubling us for quite some time now. Yes, we may be a tad vertically challenged. And yes, our spaceship is sportier than your POS jalopies. And yes, I have milked many a cow in my day… But that does not, I repeat, [...]
A new press release has been issued regarding the Giant Skeletons of the Indian and Arabian deserts. http://setifiles.com/2010/01/24/giant-skeletons-unearthed/ That is all.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE It has come to our attention that rumors persist of giant skeletons having been found in the Arabian and Indian deserts. http://fx.worth1000.com/entries/493662/giant-ancestors http://fx.worth1000.com/entries/493085/big-boy http://fx.worth1000.com/entries/18533/giants Earthlings have interpreted these to be the remains of the people of Aad (Islam), of the people created by the deity Brahma (Hindu), or of the Nephilim (Christianity.) [...]
Stardate -313034.24032851355 A press release regarding acts of extraterrestrialism in popular culture has been made available to the public. That is all.
Stardate -313033.52435312036 Agent Spork’s Day One Report has been received. Analysis to follow shortly…
Stardate -313036.9800545409 A press release concerning the incident at Roswell has been made available to the public. That is all.